You are a lot more resourceful than you think!

6th July 2023

How resourceful do you think you are? I ask this because our beliefs affect our behaviour and our emotions.

With this in mind, the originators of Neuro-Linguistic programming (NLP) put together a set of beliefs  which are useful for steering a way through life’s experiences and relationships. Together they form a coherent and empowering guide to expand the possibilities for personal development, success and wellbeing.

They are all really helpful and, for me, one of the most inspiring and optimistic is the following:

“Everyone has all the resources they need to deal with life’s experiences and flourish”.  

Obviously, this statement is a generalisation and one that may not fit in with your existing beliefs. However, the question is not whether the statement is true.  The question is whether holding that belief about yourself, your family, your friends and other people is empowering and useful. 

I hope that in this post I shall persuade you that it is!

First, a brief word about beliefs

There are two features which identify whether something is a belief.

Firstly, beliefs are something that we think in the form of a statement. An example would be: “Abba are the greatest pop band ever”.

Secondly, the statement has to feel true. The feeling in your body that it is true comes from the fact that the statement seems to fit in with your previous experience of life.

The feeling may be weak if the belief is not particularly meaningful for you. But if the belief is important to you, the feeling may be very strong – particularly if someone were to question your belief.

Anthony Robbins, in his book “Awaken the Giant Within”  likens any belief to a table top, and the evidence supporting the belief to the legs of the table.  

Each of us has sufficient experience in our memory to provide table legs or evidence to support any belief – it just depends on which part of our experience we are paying attention to!

Beliefs can change very quickly too. Sometimes, just examining our beliefs and their implications, or one negative or positive experience which does not fit in with our existing beliefs can be enough to create change.

Beliefs about ourselves

We all have beliefs about ourselves and about life.  We learned them from our parents, friends, the society we live in, and our own personal experiences.

Some of our beliefs are empowering and open up possibilities.  Such beliefs often begin with some variation of “I can….” or “I am able.…” On the other hand, some beliefs may be limiting.  For example, “I’m not the kind of person who could….”

The kind of beliefs we have can have a significant effect on the way we go through life.  This is neatly summed up in the following statement ascribed to Henry Ford:  

“Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right” 

If this is true, and beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies, it is a good idea to examine our beliefs and, if necessary, change them to beliefs which help us to be happy, have good relationships and succeed in the things that we want to do.

This brings us back to:

Everyone has all the resources they need to deal with life’s experiences and flourish

So what does this mean?

Well, firstly “everyone”  includes you and me! 

“Resources” includes anything which expands the choices available to us. It includes:

• the innate resources we are born with
• learned resources
• the support available to us from our family and friends 
• resources available from the wider society we live in.

The statement that we have these resources does not mean that we are actually using them: sometimes we need to be reminded that they are there!

So let’s look at the different kinds of resources in more detail.

Innate resources

Innate resources are the abilities we are born with and include:

• the abililty to learn and make sense of the world
• the ability to form close relationships with others
• the ability to fit into the society in which we are born
• the ability to feel good

Learned resources

Learned resources are not just the things we learned at school or through academic or professional learning – though they are important.   They include skills and the things we learn from our day to day activities, our experiences,  and our interactions with family and friends.  

Our brains are programmed to learn and are doing so all the time – even remembering what happened in last night’s Soaps demonstrates our ability to learn.

Some of the resources we learn throughout life are (and I accept that it is a moot point whether some of the following are innate or learned):

• the ability to care for ourselves and others
• curiosity
• the ability to think
• imagination
• courage
• the ability to take action

All of your experiences and learnings and achievements are resources for you to use now and in the future.

The people around us

We are social creatures and our family, friends and acquaintances are a great resource for us.

Just chatting with someone else can help us to regulate our emotions. Talking over our problems with someone else can make them more manageable.  Having fun with friends is a great way to open ourselves up to new learning and possibilities.

Friends, family and acquaintances show us how to do things; are a source of inspiration and can be wonderful role models.

Resources available in society at large

In the 21st century as we have access to all sorts of information and support from government services (like schools and the NHS), charities and training providers.

We also have access to all sorts of information and inspirational stories via;

• TV and radio
• films and theatre
• books, magazines and newspapers
• the internet – search engines, YouTube and Wikipedia

And so…

If you find yourself faced with challenges, remember that you have within you and around you all the resources you need to deal with those challenges and flourish.

Take time to remind yourself of your inner strengths and achievements and the resources available to you from friends and society. Build up those table legs!

And remember: if you don’t believe you already have the resources you need, we all have the ability to learn and to ask others for help – two of the greatest resources we have.

I hope that you have found this interesting and helpful. If you have, why not sign up to my free Suggestions newsletter which gives more information and tips about personal development and therapy. It comes out about every three weeks or so. To sign up, just click on the link below. You just need to give your name and email address – and needless to say, I won’t share your details with anyone else.